Not a toy

I was thinking of taking psychology in college in 1970 after we saw a movie in India. The name of the movie was  "Khilona" meaning "Toy". The theme was kind of unrealistic in the sense that a doctor suggests that a young man needs a life partner to treat  flashbacks of his dying girl friend. My parents talked me out of taking psychology because I had come quite far with Economics as my major and was almost done with my education. Later on in life I learned different aspects of human mind through experiences of people around me. A very young coworker of mine saved her teenage brother-in-law from attempted suicide and became his sister/best friend, just by listening to him and giving support that he could not get from his own parents. I have always listened to people who need to talk and vent so they don't feel alone. I always wonder what makes people sad and how I can help.

I am in New York and it is very expensive to travel abroad to understand different groups of people and to figure out how many of them are actually sad and suffering from loneliness. All I know is that a lot of people in America are lonely and sad. We always hear the words "mentally unstable"as part of news when it comes to school shootings or even random killings. So does it make sense to play around with the minds of young and old people alike by experimenting on social media network and manipulating human emotions? Do the people involved realize that there are some people whose PTSD and or Anxiety/Depression can be effected by these experiments and manipulations? Will the people involved be accountable or responsible if even one human being loses his or her life as a result of this experiment? Experiments and studies are done in controlled environments with supervision by professionals and with the consent of the participants. They should not be done as a ploy to increase visits on social media sites.

Happy Father's Day

My mom always blessed me when she wished my husband a happy father's day. She would say that if it was not for having each other we would not be good parents. I understand what she used to say, but when I look at some single parents I see that they do not leave any task undone, they do not let their children feel the  absence of the other parent and more over they sacrifice their own personal life for the welfare of their children. One such example is the Dad from the television show and also the movie"Veronica Mars".  Actor Enrico Colantoni did a fabulous job as Keith Mars the single dad of Veronica, a high school student who had to deal with differences between rich girls and below average income family girls.  He stood by her and guided her while his daughter had to put up with the attitude of teenage girls who knew not much other than entitlement. He let her be brave and figure out cases while still keeping an eye out for her. He risks his own life to save hers when she gets herself into dangerous situations. Yet when it came to his own personal life, he always keeps his daughter's welfare in mind. I always wondered how many men are like him. 

A coworker of mine in my previous job comes close to the dad in Veronica Mars. His wife died leaving a three year old daughter and he never thought about getting married again or even dating. He started thinking about ladies, only after his daughter got into high school and insisted that he should have a life.

                                                 

Happy Mother's Day

 Happy Mother's Day to all mothers and all of their children.  

 I miss my mom on Mother's day  more than on her own birthday or the day she passed away. However today I miss someone who always called me "mommy."  She was not related to me nor was she as young as my children but she called me "mommy" anyway. My husband always wonders why she called me "Mommy" as she was almost my age. 

There have been times when I have gone out of my limits and told people to do the right thing especially when it came to their health. Some times my younger coworkers teased me and said "OK mom," and we laughed.  One of my neighbors did not take care of herself at all.  I really felt bad for her. I did not want to pry or ask questions as I did not know her that much as she moved in the neighborhood much after we did. Then one day when she opened up to me and told me that she needed to take better care of herself, I thought that may be I can encourage her to eat the right foods and invite her to come for walks with me.  Whenever I asked her to come walk with me she gave some reason or the other to avoid having to walk. Then she would smile and say "All right Mommy I will come tomorrow."  Tomorrow never came. Summer time would change into Fall and then into Winter. We never got a chance to walk. I did keep a check on her and asked whether or not she is eating right. She always said "OK mommy," and avoided the answer. Then came the time when she moved into a Senior home. I felt bad, but her son and our other neighbors said that it was the best thing for her.  Within a year after she moved in the Senior home, I found out that she died. One of my neighbors told me that she died because she was not taking care of herself at all. She had gained a lot of weight and not leave her room.  Today I am wondering if I could have done something more than just be a friendly neighbor.  

Best Wishes and Thanks

  I would like to thank everyone who is participating in the A to Z Challenge.  I am hoping that I will be able to read a good number of blog posts this time, since I am not taking part. These blog posts from the challenge have been very informative and entertaining while being inspirational as well. I wish everyone all the best.  

Also, special thanks to Arlee Bird for starting this challenge. 

Let It Go

***SPOILERS FOR THE MOVIE FROZEN BELOW***

It has been  almost a week since John Travolta has pronounced Idina Menzel's name incorrectly. People everywhere are making fun of him.  I do feel sorry for him, because a lot of people have mispronounced my name and I simply corrected them a few times. The big difference between Idina Menzel and me is that she is a well known artist. So how could anyone not know her name. I did not know about her until I saw her as a guest on a couple of shows. Later on when I saw the movie Frozen, I realized how good she sings. 

When we were young and our moms told us bedtime stories they always told us the moral of the story in the end. When we see Disney movies we know that they are meant for kids. What we seldom realize is the fact that there are hidden metaphors in those movies. The Oscar Winning animated movie is amazing to watch. We take technology for granted, but if someone understands the difficulties of the work that goes behind animation they will be amazed too. Besides having beautiful animated scenes, the movie has a very good motto. It is teaching us adults that if you have a child with a problem, do not hide it. Try and see if there is an answer to that problem. A treatment if you will. In the movie the younger sister, Anna suffers separation from her older sister Elsa because their parents want to keep Elsa's secret from everyone including her younger sister. In the end of the movie Princess Elsa the girl with the problem is telling herself to let it go, meaning let the secret come out in the open. The best part of the movie is that the treatment for the problem of the older sister is only unconditional love and that she finds in the heart of the younger sister. 

What I learned from the singer Idina Menzel is to keep trying your best. If she can sing in spite of broken ribs I can keep doing my daily chores in spite of breathing problems. "Let it go" to me means do not dwell.

Chronic Illness and the Workplace

When someone gets a big cut and has to go to the emergency room or even urgent care, they get sympathy and they also get a note for work. Also when someone falls and breaks a leg and has to use crutches, people can see that they are hurting.  It just seems like people need to visually see when someone is in pain to understand and give the hurting person a break. Those of us who are suffering from debilitating long term illnesses do not seem to get a break.  What do we do? I asked one of my co-workers and she said that maybe we can either suffer or let the illness get so bad that it gets visual attention. I knew that she was kidding so we both laughed. 

 Living with diabetes, high blood pressure and asthma is hard enough, but if you are working full time it gets even harder. Harder than putting up with the daily routine which is different from a healthy person is the fact that so many of us have these conditions that people think they are easily treated. While keeping diabetes (type 2) under control is somewhat in our hands and high blood pressure is not very hard to keep under control, asthma is a totally different condition. It can be triggered by a number of factors and one of them is our nerves. So, some of us who understand this fact are able to breath all right in spite of being chronic asthmatics, but some of us who have emotional hardships like anxiety and also depression need the help of people with strong nerves. I urge people at work place to help asthmatics in any way possible. They are working in spite of suffering because they want to be responsible citizens and pull their own weight.

 Last week, we heard in the news that some NY State employees were taking uph compensation and disability benefits by using false documentation. Of course they were arrested.

Love yourself notes

 In India,  those of us who were born between the 1950s and 1960s were supervised by our parents and other adults to make sure that we are doing our best to study as good as we can. Working adults were told by other working adults to do their best to make sure that they don't make any mistakes at work so they don't lose their jobs. We were also told that since India has become an independent country we need to improve our standards and we have no excuse not to do good. So those of us who could not make it in India left India for different reasons. That was well and good. The thing that bothered me a lot about our upbringing was the logic of not letting anyone talk good about themselves. Adults believed that if we talk good about ourselves it is bragging and bragging will make us big-headed and also lazy. I don't believe in bragging but I do believe in believing in myself and finding out about my good side and at the same time finding out where I can improve. 

Now that I am a grandmother, I would want to stop the notion that thinking good things about oneself is going to make them lazy. If one gets ninety percent in a subject instead of hundred, one should not have to feel bad, just try better next time. Same thing at work, if you know that you have done your best and the company still picks you to be the one to let go (because they are down sizing), you should not ask yourself what did I do wrong?

This Valentine's Day along with writing words to let someone know how much you like them ,why not write yourself a note about the wonderful qualities you have.