I
know a lot of young people and talk to them a lot because I want to
understand the culture of young American people as my adult children
are of their culture. A lot of my coworkers would discuss their
problems with me because they could not talk to their parents openly
and are afraid that they will get yelled at.
Just
about twenty years ago a teenage coworker of mine was on the verge of
crying because he was yelled at and was threatened to be thrown out
of his parent 's house by his dad and his mom would not do anything
to stop his dad. His dad had a very bad habit of using harsh words
and bad language. The kid's offense?
He
was not careful not to drop crumbs on the kitchen floor as he ate. I
told him that I would get upset too as he is not a toddler. To that
he asked me if I make a mess on the kitchen floor. I laughed and I
said that I don't. He said that every single meal his dad makes a
circle of food on the floor and his mom cleans that up without a fuss
as his dad was very tired from work and she did not want to start a
fight. I asked him if he had a stepfather he said that his father is
his birth father and looks a lot like him. He hated that and wished
that he did not look like his father. I was really sorry for that
young man and he said that one more year he will be out of the house
anyway and his aunt offered to keep him in her house until then.
I
am not so sure if he ever went to college or he is still working as a
store associate. It does not matter because he had told me that
whenever he has a child he will not yell at him or her for the same
mistake he would make.
I
told him that it would also be a good idea if we do not use bad words
with our children to begin with. He agreed.
I
am so glad that this young man had decided not to create a cycle of
bad treatment because his father treated him horribly.
I
am also happy that most of today's parents are smart enough to teach by
example rather than by punishments and threats and are careful about
how they talk.
Happy
Father's day to all fathers (young and old), step fathers,
grandfathers, and foster parents.
In the television show "Frasier", Niles Crane dresses like his dad Martin Crane as they were dressing for "my hero" theme for Halloween.
14 comments:
Marriage is the most difficult job in the world and parenting is the second most difficult.
Insightful post. I always feel bad for my sons on Fathers Day due to the fact, their father abandoned them. It always brings up that hurt.
I love the old re-runs of Frazer.
I have worked with an NGO working children. The scars left on their psyche by parents are difficult to heal. They grow up with that scarred psyche and there's a huge chance that they end up being anti-social elements. Sharing and caring can change their lives. We all need that.
Really good post, Munir! It's great that young people confide in you. It is such a compliment.
Breaking the cycle of physical or mental abuse is really hard. It takes a strong will to grow up differently.
Dear Munir, one of the greatest gifts of life is that we can touch other lives for good if we choose. And they can make the same choice. I am so glad that your life touched this young man's. Peace.
I can't imagine wasting time on crumbs when the opportunity to love and teach your children goes so quickly. I feel bad for that young man and hope he holds true to his promise to treat his children differently and break the cycle of abuse.
Dearest Munir,
Guess two decades ago, you did reach the inner-soul of that teenager by talking openly about life's aspects.
It is very sad when a father is like a potentate and treats his wife, in front of his children like a slave, without any respect.
No excuse for being tired after work, that doesn't mean you are entitled to drop your mannerism!
Glad you did talk wisely with that teen and only God knows how he developed further and what kind of wife he found and kids he got.
Teaching discipline with tough love is not easy but it never should be done by force nor by yelling and cursing.
Sending you hugs,
Mariette
PS Everywhere I've done training I was very firm in telling them to be nice to each other. As colleagues you will be spending a long eight hours or even more, every day. That is far more than with your parents, wife or children. They looked at me with a burning questions... So I told them that exactly that was the reason I demanded them to be polite and courteous and always speak with two words. It can build a totally different atmosphere where one loves to work in.
Munir, I hope that young man did grow into a beautiful father....but I wonder, don't you? My parents spanked us kids growing up. What did they know really, only what they were taught. I have four daughters and I have probably spanked them a couple times each. I do remember yelling at them to hurry to the corner and catch the bus to school, they would be dragging around in the mornings. But my daughters and I , as bad as some times were raising them, we are best friends. I never called them names or cursed them. I think by being the parent while they are children , you can be their friend when they are grown. Blessings to you, xoxo, Susie
I am glad the people you have worked with have felt comfortable talking to you about the problems in their lives. It is so important to have someone to talk to. I think the young man you worked with is on the right track with deciding he will break the negative cycle he grew up with. I am not a parent, but I know it is not an easy job!
~Jess
It is sad about the little boy who was treated badly, but I am glad that he has learned not to repeat the same offense with his own child someday.
Wow. That was a little extreme on the parent's part. Sometimes you learn what not to do from your parents.
i felt for that kid who shared his pain with you long long time ago
here in eastern counties trend is on to keep kids "under control " though things are changing slowly too specially in big cities
i am glad he decided to not continue the terrible behavior in his next generation
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