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Most of us remember the pyramid of needs from our eighth grade social studies / civics class. I am not so sure as to how many of us remember all five sections and how many of us remember only three. I had to google it and actually learn it all over again, but that is me, an older women, so I guess it does not matter. However it does matter when we look at the world as a place that needs to be guarded and people, plants and animals that live here have to be taken care of. Where am I going with this? or where is this conversation coming from?
I am sure a lot of parents whose kids have special needs are doing their best to be there for them I guess I am simply worried that the rest of us tend to forget that our kids have psychological needs as well. We simply think that once a child is a high school graduate and his basic needs are covered, our duties as parents are done. I tend to think differently because as I look around I see that a lot of young people are unhappy. Just because babies have become people do we stop looking into their eyes and ask if they are all right?
I guess I always feel a need to urge people to get to know their kids even when they have become adults as people change and kids become people. Also, I have a need to urge young people to find someone (even one person) they can confide in. It is best if young people talk to their parents, but if for some reason they cannot, it is not that hard to find another person they can share their thoughts with.
My heart goes out to the family and friends of the victims of Colorado shooting as I watch the television coverage of the tragedy. My mind however races back to the past tragedies of the same kind. I cannot help wondering about the terms and relationship dynamics of the suspect with his loved ones.
Was it a science project for him or was he an extremely lonely guy, whatever the case maybe if he had someone he could trust and talk to, get guidance from, be friends with, maybe a lot of lives would have been saved. I am not being sympathetic with the suspect I am praying that no such shootings take place again - ever.
22 comments:
Munir, I look at the photos of the guy you're talking about and see a face, handsome face over a brain functional enough to do post-grad work, and wonder what the hell happened. I mean, this guy had had looks, physical health and smarts, everything to make a life out of --and then becomes a mass murderer. I hope there's enough of him left to study and figure out what went wrong.
I am one who will be a parent the rest of my life, no matter the age of my kids. I've thought a lot about that gunman. What could have been done to prevent that? I hope one day we will find out to prevent it happening again.
I agree with you. I can't even wrap my mind around something like this.
sandie
I know where you are coming from. My parents were all about the physical and none about the emotional. When all of us turned 18, we were told we were adults and could do what we wanted. It's nice to be treated as an adult but in a few cases, them stepping in and saying something would have been a good thing to do. I know they care. But sometimes it doesn't always feel like it.
I think you are right on the money here, Munir. I am employed in social work, and I don't know what's going on in this country but it's bad. I see neglected people all over the place. Angry people. Frustrated people. I think that we have an entire generation of folks that have been alienated by society (heck sometimes I feel very alienated). The atmosphere in the United States has become very much like a social club, where the popular kids look down their noses at the unpopular ones and say "You choose to live like you do" as if the answer were that easy. It's comments like this which brew anger and frustration.
My heart goes out to the survivors of that terrible tragedy in Aurora. I too would like answers. But I think that I already know what's going on. The kid got alienated, and he just took it one step further. He got his hands on guns (which is so easy to do in this country).
I always felt that as my children got older, they needed me more than when they were infants. Some of my kids have made mistakes that changed their lives...but we stood by to help without taking away the consequences...and they are good, responsible adults now. It's easy to blame this young man's parents, but I'm sure they are hurting too. I'm also sure we will find more out about this young man as time goes on. My heart goes out to all the victims families and friends. I think in this techno age it's easy to lose a face to face relationship with others..to get caught up in a fantasy life. It's hard to know what people are really going through or thinking. Drugs, alcohol, all can play a part in what happens to people, or how they think. I doubt we will ever have all the answers to this and other tragedies.
Hi Munir,
In this day and age when mental health concerns should be brought out into the open and the stigma attached eradicated, I believe that increased awareness should make more parents vigilant of the well being needs of their children. We have to support, encourage and create a positive environment for our children and for all of us.
Whatever the reasons for these awful tragedies, when is America going to stop making guns so easy to purchase? I realise gun control wont solve it all, but it's a start.
With respect, Gary
While he gave no signs of becoming a mass murder, there are those who expressed how quiet he was a very different from the rest. His own mother was not surprised to hear that it was her son who did the shooting. Yet that cannot be reason alone to know that one day this person will simply snap. You might see the psychological needs in a person but that won't get them to counseling. It indeed is a conundrum.
The most screwed-up people I've known throughout my life were the children of shrinks. Perhaps it's a case of the cobbler's children. There are no easy answers. When things like this happen I wonder if there ever would come a point where I would snap like that. So far, I can say no. Perhaps some of us have a bigger monster inside us than others.
I don't have any children, but I did have a loving and caring mother who would listen to me always, no matter how old I was. So I know you are so right in what you say here. What is so scary about this person is not that he snapped, but that it seems he carefully and intelligently planned to snap. What makes someone do that I have no idea.
That's a sad tragedy.
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Assalamualaikum Munir, I am wishing you a blessed Ramadhan, we are coming to the middle already, alhamdulillah.
your post is incredible!
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That is a sad story. but hay :) thanks for visiting my blog :)
As nice as it would be to think that these shootings wouldn't happen again they will.
That's like hoping that war or crime will end but that's unlikely to happen within our lifetimes.
The recent shootings have been heartbreaking. I am from a town where one of the first big school shootings happened many years ago. No matter how many times it happens, it never gets easier to deal with.
Hi again and thanks for stopping by and leaving a comment. Reading this post again, it is very powerful and thought provoking. As we now know, it has happened again, it happens every day, but not to this extent. They say guns don't kill, people do and while this is true, people with guns kill a lot more people than people without guns. I think it is around 86 per day in the US. Will you post something soon?
Hello Munir! How are you doing? I agree that young people need someone they can talk to. Everyone does. There are so many unhappy people in the world. It's so easy to get mad at a cranky, grouchy clerk or others we run into, but we have no idea what they're dealing with in their personal lives. Blowing up at them or being rude back just compounds the problem. It's good to remind ourselves (I'm guilty, too) to stop and think first before saying something we might regret. Kindness goes a long way. Take care!
I totally agree that we have to continue to parent even though our kids think they are grown up. If we are capable of reaching out to other kids and helping them it is important to do so. I "parent" lots of my former students on facebook and through emails. (I moved away from them.) I had some amazing women in my community that parented me.
Great post!!!
Ah, looks a lot like Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs. I studied about this in college.
They never covered the pyramid when I was in school.
Hello Munir! Thank you, dear friend, for visiting my blog and helping me celebrate my big day! Take care.
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