Tuesday, February 2, 2016

Hopes Not Fears




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A couple of years ago, a coworker of mine told me that her sons are afraid of having children or even getting married because the world is ever changing and they might not be good parents. I asked her what are they afraid of. She said that her husband did not understand when her kids wanted to be like their friends and her kids were never given permission to do certain things even when they were harmless. I could relate to her to some extent. However I was never afraid of having to raise children. I always had a desire to have children. I wonder if men are afraid of having children because the society puts the burden on them of providing for the kids. Another coworker said that some men feel good about being the provider. Yet another coworker said that his daughter is afraid of having kids not because she and her husband have to provide for them, but because they might not be able to understand what goes on in the kid's mind and what if the kid does not fit in the "in crowd." Later on my daughter had to explain to me the meaning of "in crowd."  I have no answer for the young woman's concerns. I come from a simple family where children thought that they were lucky to be able to read and write. I understand that here in the USA children have a very complex life when it comes to school life. I understand that even in India things are changing very fast. Just like here in America kids want mobile phones. So, everywhere in the world, are all parents responsible for problems that kids are going through or only certain rich parents? A very old customer told me that the differences between rich and poor will always be there, except nowadays, the social media is making it even harder for people who cannot give their children all they want. The inferiority complex is deeper. I still say that we should not fear but plan and work out things and hope for the best.

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19 comments:

Launna said...

Munir I say don't fear either ... children might think they want all the gadgets but I think they want love and to be noticed. I also think as parents we need to show our children what's important. Things are NOT important, people are ♡♡♡

joeh said...

I think every generation has fears of the life change that having children presents, perhaps the reasons for the fear changes.

Lots to think about from this post.

fishducky said...

Every generation fears for their children, who usually turn out just fine!!

Granny Annie said...

Children are worth the effort.

Jim and Sandie said...

I agree that children are worth all the pain and agony that may go with raising them. Our son gave us a lot of heartache as a teenager but has turned into the most wonderful man and husband. I'm hoping they become parents (well maybe not until after the Zika virus thing is resolved) and yet I know I will worry about my grandchildren as much as I did about my son. Tough to be a parent. Takes a lot of love and patience.

Celestina Marie said...

Great Post!! It is harder to raise young children today. Peer pressure is great for them and takes strong parents to help them realize what is really important in life. Each generation influences the next. We can only do the best we can. Each has to make a choice to raise another life, but in the end, having children is a blessing and a joy!! Thanks for sharing and for stopping by and your kind comment. Have a nice weekend. xo

Ruth said...

I would not want to start raising a child now. I did a good job with the one I raised, but even 20 years later, it's a different world. I don't like how the schools are going, amongst other things.

yaya said...

The world has always had situations that make bearing children worrisome. My youngest doesn't want to get married or have kids and I'm hoping one day he will meet the perfect lady to change his mind! If not, I'll always respect his decision. I don't think kids should get everything they want and social media has many good qualities but it sure can cause many problems too. Like all things in life, balance is necessary.

^.^ said...

I raised 2 kids ... they are in their 30s now and doing their own thing ... financially and socially ... my son is married to a wonderful girl, but no kids ... my daughter is involved in the LBGT community and also no kids ... I'm learning every day to accept that ... ya ... Love, cat.

Misha Gericke said...

Hmm... thought provoking post. I think that if people let fear decide their lives for them, they will live empty lives indeed.

Also, the secret to not having such inferiority complexes about what you have vs what other have: Teach the kids to spot the BS that is consumer culture. Problem solved.

Hilary Melton-Butcher said...

Hi Munir - I would hope that parents would learn from their children ... and help them adapt to life as it is now, and thus help their parents adapt. Definitely not be afraid .. just be sensible, be practical and be wise ... we don't need everything ...

Cheers Hilary

Michael Offutt, Phantom Reader said...

I respect a person's decision not to have kids. I also respect people who just biologically cannot have them at all. I think that emotion-based decision making though is a mistake. And if life isn't about conquering fears then what is it about? I say face your fears and confront them head on. Life is so precious. Maybe we are all here to face fears and love one another until we are returned to the great nothing. Who knows? Certainly not me.

Sherry Ellis said...

That's sad that they have all of these concerns, and that they don't want to have children because of them. There are challenges that go with having kids, but you can't let that stop you. Somehow, you get through it.

Azra said...

It is harder to raise children in these times, but I agree they are worth it. : )

Nada said...

Interesting Reflection. My only child, my daughter, now 41, has no children, but I accept it, even if it makes me a little sad.

Asad Ghiasuddin said...

Thanks for all the love and support mama! You did a nice job raising us in this topsy turvey world!

B. WHITTINGTON said...

Munir,
Thanks for reading my blog. It's good to be back on here. After my husband passed away I moved and had many changes. Now, I'm back to writing. WOrking on a novel right now. Plus, I'm busy reading lots of books. I could identify with some of the things you were saying about being a parent and wondering about having children and how they would turn out. My husband and I always knew we wanted children and never worried about how they would turn out or if we would be good parents. Sometimes too much thinking goes into the process. I enjoyed your own love story about being matched for marriage with your husband in India. To last 44 years you both had to be doing something or everything right. WE are the products of the people from whom we come. If we have good parents then we will turn out good. That's my belief. Here's to spring which is just around the corner. Oh, too it sounds as though you have interesting conversations at work. Keep it up! Barb

Anita said...

People seem to want guarantees when there are none. I hope those who are afraid to have children will not regret it later on.

Also, there is a difference between being afraid to have children and simply not wanting children. Those who just don't want to raise children should not feel pressured into doing so.

Good post!

Sharon K. Mayhew said...

It's heart breaking to hear this, but I know my daughter (19) doesn't want to have children. She wants to adopt. My husband and I came from a background of divorces and poverty. When we got married we decided we would wait ten years to make sure our marriage was strong and that we were going to be able to provide for our child. It took a lot of work (medical) to get pregnant and we were doing (in our opinions) a good job at raising one child, but I didn't think we would have the patience or the money to raise more. God made that choice for us when our little one was three. I believe it was the right thing for us. You should only have children if you feel confident you can provide them with the love and attention they need in addition to food, shelter, and clothing.