Compassion Charms

This week has been very exciting for me. The project that my daughter has been working on is now completed. Well, it still depends on a lot of people and their outlook about helping people in general. 

For a long time, she had been thinking about helping people understand that mental illness is nothing to be embarrassed about. As a matter of fact, it is good to show solidarity towards people who suffer from Depression and Anxiety.  It will be really nice if school counselors could understand the need of today's children when it comes to behavioral problems. There are some schools that have resources for helping children but children need more than counselors to understand what is going on in their minds. It will be nice if children understand from a younger age that human beings have to be nice to each other. We as society have a responsibility to give a message to the future generation that kindness and caring can help people .
If everyone understands from a young age that not all of us are made the same way and if depressed people are not left to be lonely we can save the future generation from having to suffer the emotional setbacks that hinder them from being productive.

If you are interested in learning more, you can visit her website at compassioncharms.com

You can also visit her on Facebook and Twitter. 

Words and Language

I know a lot of young people and talk to them a lot because I want to understand the culture of young American people as my adult children are of their culture. A lot of my coworkers would discuss their problems with me because they could not talk to their parents openly and are afraid that they will get yelled at.

Just about twenty years ago a teenage coworker of mine was on the verge of crying because he was yelled at and was threatened to be thrown out of his parent 's house by his dad and his mom would not do anything to stop his dad. His dad had a very bad habit of using harsh words and bad language. The kid's offense?

He was not careful not to drop crumbs on the kitchen floor as he ate. I told him that I would get upset too as he is not a toddler. To that he asked me if I make a mess on the kitchen floor. I laughed and I said that I don't. He said that every single meal his dad makes a circle of food on the floor and his mom cleans that up without a fuss as his dad was very tired from work and she did not want to start a fight. I asked him if he had a stepfather he said that his father is his birth father and looks a lot like him. He hated that and wished that he did not look like his father. I was really sorry for that young man and he said that one more year he will be out of the house anyway and his aunt offered to keep him in her house until then.

I am not so sure if he ever went to college or he is still working as a store associate. It does not matter because he had told me that whenever he has a child he will not yell at him or her for the same mistake he would make.

I told him that it would also be a good idea if we do not use bad words with our children to begin with. He agreed.

I am so glad that this young man had decided not to create a cycle of bad treatment because his father treated him horribly.

I am also happy that most of today's parents are smart enough to teach by example rather than by punishments and threats and are careful about how they talk.

Happy Father's day to all fathers (young and old), step fathers, grandfathers, and foster parents.

In the television show "Frasier", Niles Crane dresses like his dad Martin Crane as they were dressing for "my hero" theme for Halloween.

Take One, Add One

Love, Care, Happiness, Health, Laughter Family, Comfort, Independence, Leisure Time, Family Time, Me Time, Good Memories, Friends, and  Hugs.  

 There must be so many more things that we would want in our lives.  I can only think of a few. I wish everyone all of the above and so much more.

In one of the local schools here in Orange County NY, in the teachers lounge, there is a bulletin board with post-it notes. Each note has words of comfort written on them. There is a sign that says, " Take what you need, give what you can. " I thought that was a good idea.

We all have good days and bad days(even Mother's Day can be sad for some of us) so if there is a free word of comfort on a bulletin board that can get our minds off of our troubles even for a few minutes, it is helpful. Also if you can take a post-it note and write a comforting word and leave it on the bulletin board, someone can find it comforting. When I see things like that bulletin board, I think that the world is still a very good place and there are caring people around us. 

Happy Mothers day, everyone.

The Travelling Bird

I am starting a legacy. It is similar to that of my parents. My father used to teach math to college students who were preparing for the exams even though he never worked as a teacher. My mother who was a teacher would buy extra notebooks and pencils when she took us school supply shopping so she can give them to our milkman's children. I am starting a legacy, the legacy of the "Travelling Bird". Why Bird?  This is how I came up with the word.

Buy a book. 

Invest in literacy. 

Read the book. 

Donate the book to a public library or an inner city school library.

Public libraries desperately need help. Most of them can use some good fiction books for children and young adults. So, I will buy books, read them, then when I am done I will donate them. 

Why the word, "travelling"? At the library, or in the school, the book will be borrowed by children. This way the book will travel from hand to hand. I will write the words "the travelling bird" on the books on the first page. This way the child who reads the book will know about it and may be one of them will continue this legacy as well.

      

HAPPY NEW YEAR

Happy New Year everyone!

2016 is over and when I look at the blogger site I feel ashamed that I have not written much. The fact is that I write when I see an issue. Another fact is that I was so busy that I did not stop to pay attention to an issue when I saw one. My husband tells me that I am only one person and I cannot take care of the problems of the world. One of my work friends told me that a day will come when us older folks will become a problem to our families. Well, I will try not to become a problem and be as productive as possible. That is one reason I keep working and commuting to work. Now that I have given the reasons, I hope that I can be forgiven for not writing. 

I am thankful to people who blog and give us so many good articles to read. 

I wish everyone good health and happiness.

You can save a life

This is National Suicide Prevention Week. When I tell some people this, some of them ask me what they can do. Some are willing to walk to raise funds and a few people wondered about why there would be a need to have a week set aside for suicide prevention. They get surprised when I show them the statistics. They did not even realize that for some people life is very difficult and unhappy. 

I learned about the hard realities of life for a teenager when one of my very close friends took her own life just a year before our college graduation. Everyone thought that she was a very funny girl,  a very good student ,very helpful and outgoing. No one could ever think that she would not care about her own life. No one knew what went on in her mind. If only she knew that there were people who would be willing to help her deal with her problems she could have been alive today.   I always hope and pray that there is help for people who are feeling suicidal and now I know that American Foundation For Suicide Prevention is the answer to my prayers. I am asking my family and my friends to visit their site and see what they can do. 

My daughter is fundraising for this foundation for her birthday. If you are able and interested, you can donate here: http://afsp.donordrive.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=donordrive.personalCampaign&participantID=1049323 But even if you can't donate, just starting a conversation can make a difference for someone.

Never Forget

I learn a lot from my children. A lot of times I wish that I could share the things I learn from them with my friends including my blogger friends. The following post is written by my daughter who is very sensitive about people who have suffered whether in the present or in the past. Needless to say my knowledge and outlook about the Holocaust has changed with time. Today I learned that the words "Never Forget" have a special place and a special meaning.

2016 has been a rough year when it comes to losing well-known (and well-liked) celebrities, and while I was a fan of many people we lost this year, it wasn't until the passing of Elie Wiesel yesterday that I felt compelled to ask my mom, "can I write a guest post on your blog?"

I remember reading Wiesel's Night in high school and looking back, I don't think I fully appreciated the significance of such a work. I would also have to describe my trip to the Holocaust museum in DC in the same manner. I understood what it was all about, and I felt for the victims, but I didn't truly get it. Teenagers aren't known for being the most compassionate beings, so I suppose I shouldn't kick myself for not having some heightened sense of empathy at fifteen.

As an adult I do have a greater sense of understanding of what it was all about, but I don't know if we can ever really get it. Because even for the most empathetic of people, the pain we feel is secondhand. And that's a good thing. No one should ever have to experience that magnitude of suffering again.

But there is a side effect in that we begin to forget. I remember going to see Twelve Years a Slave with my older brother. My immediate reaction upon exiting the theater was "I feel privileged." I wasn't talking about any sort of racial or social privilege, but rather a privilege of growing up in an era where the atrocity of slavery no longer existed, at least not in the US. It was merely the subject of history books now.

But while slavery may just be a subject people read about in their school texts today, it doesn't change the fact that it was a real thing that happened to real people. And those people may not be alive today, but their stories were real and those stories matter.

And the same is true of the Holocaust. When I was in high school, the student chapter of Amnesty International would read the names of Holocaust victims over the loudspeaker on Holocaust Remembrance Day in April. At that age I took it to be a tribute, a remembrance of such an unfathomable atrocity. As I got older I also realized the whole "don't let history repeat itself" aspect of it.

But more importantly, we need to remember the people. The eleven million people who were killed during the Holocaust were not a collective unit. They were eleven million distinct individuals, all with their own loves and dreams and fears and senses of humors and idiosyncrasies. And while we know the stories of some of them, such as Elie Wiesel or Anne Frank, there are so many more stories that go untold.

It still happens in today's day and age. When we hear of attacks happening around the world, or even sometimes in our own neighborhood. We mourn for our countries, our civil and religious liberties.

But please remember to mourn for the individuals, too.

Signature Pads

A lot of people know that leaving our signature behind on a random piece of paper is not a safe thing to do, even if it is some kind of receipt. Most of us are happy about the signature pad and feel that our information is safe in some kind of magical and unreachable place.  At least I used to think that until a week ago when I looked at my credit card bill where there was a charge of eleven dollars and ninety nine cents, that I could not understand. It is not a big amount and the store was one that I usually shop at. The strange thing was that there was a suffix that said, "VIP Pass" next to the name of the store and a telephone number was mentioned in the credit card statement.  So I called that number to ask what was going on and why was I charged 11.99, when I did not even shop on the date (or the month) .  The customer service lady said that I had signed up for a VIP pass  that was free for a month and then I would be paying 11.99 every month. So I asked her when did I ever do such a thing. She then explained to me that when I made a purchase, I had opted yes for this "VIP Pass".  Needless to say I was worried and was thinking that I am losing it.  I still did not believe that I would do something and not know it.  I told her to cancel my "VIP Pass". To that she said that I have to give her the "VIP pass" number or my credit card number . I had no "VIP Pass number and I was not about to give her my credit card number. I went to that store to see where I can get that "VIP Pass" number. The manager was very helpful, but was not able to help me get that number. He could not locate even a transaction done by me for that month in the register. Then I was left with no choice but to cancel my credit card number. 

 Later on I looked up the "VIP Pass" and saw several complaints on Yahoo.

 I feel bad for the store manager. That is one store that I always like to go to find neat and cool gifts, for my children and grand children. The store has things that make fans of Star Wars, Star Trek very happy and a lot of new and old shows and movies, for all age group fans. I might still shop there but using cash only.

I know that most of the time we see options like 'cash back" yes or no or even 'amount correct' yes or no ,but now I know that we have to be very careful about hitting yes even on the electronic signature pad.

Have a heart

"In New York, tomorrow starts today," they say. I wonder if this is pertaining to just getting jobs done or also in reference to the wear and tear of human beings, body and mind alike. We are all trying to work ahead of our times. Some of us cook too much ahead of the meal times, some of us write our bills earlier than we have to so the post office delays do not jeopardize our credit, and needless to say we do our holiday shopping and mailing way ahead of time. Some of my younger coworkers are saying that they are aging faster than people of my generation. I always tell them to slow down. Their response is that they do need two jobs just to pay back their student loans and their rent. They say that they cannot even dream of buying a home. I suggest that they can live at home until they have some money saved up so they can make a small down payment, this way they can move in their own place and financially get stronger. Also this way they can put a little extra on their student loans. A lot of young people are underemployed as well. Someone with masters degree is working in retail and some with a BA are still working in fast food. However they feel that it is the rite of passage that since they are in their late twenties they cannot live at home. They would be looked down upon as well. I wish that I could tell their parents to let their adult children live with them regardless of what the society's standards are. As long as they are willing to behave as responsible adults I think it will be better for both the parents and the children alike. As far as the society's rules are concerned the most important of all is to have understanding and feelings for the suffering of young people today.

I was telling a coworker that  I am guilty of being a slacker when it comes to writing the post about "Valentine's Day."  She said I was not, because as long as I care for others it did not matter if I am late in writing a post.

  

Hopes Not Fears

A couple of years ago, a coworker of mine told me that her sons are afraid of having children or even getting married because the world is ever changing and they might not be good parents. I asked her what are they afraid of. She said that her husband did not understand when her kids wanted to be like their friends and her kids were never given permission to do certain things even when they were harmless. I could relate to her to some extent. However I was never afraid of having to raise children. I always had a desire to have children. I wonder if men are afraid of having children because the society puts the burden on them of providing for the kids. Another coworker said that some men feel good about being the provider. Yet another coworker said that his daughter is afraid of having kids not because she and her husband have to provide for them, but because they might not be able to understand what goes on in the kid's mind and what if the kid does not fit in the "in crowd." Later on my daughter had to explain to me the meaning of "in crowd."  I have no answer for the young woman's concerns. I come from a simple family where children thought that they were lucky to be able to read and write. I understand that here in the USA children have a very complex life when it comes to school life. I understand that even in India things are changing very fast. Just like here in America kids want mobile phones. So, everywhere in the world, are all parents responsible for problems that kids are going through or only certain rich parents? A very old customer told me that the differences between rich and poor will always be there, except nowadays, the social media is making it even harder for people who cannot give their children all they want. The inferiority complex is deeper. I still say that we should not fear but plan and work out things and hope for the best.

One extra step

I had decided that I would not write a disturbing post so early on this year. However the news of the missing kid's search ending in tragedy was on my mind for the whole week. The more I thought about his tragic death the more I got upset. I knew that I had to write a post, but I wanted to make it useful and helpful for people who have children and especially for people who have children with some kind of special need. So I talked to different people who could share my feelings about the hardships parents have to face today when it comes to raising children, making a living and wanting to have a good time on occasions. Having knowledge can help people take steps. I did not even know until I heard on the television that most autistic children are fond of bodies of water. They are fascinated by water and are drawn towards swimming pools and lakes etc. I also learned that community homes that house autistic children have staff that is very well trained and dedicated and stay awake all night to make sure that a child does not get up and walk out. A friend of mine who is a supervisor for CNAs and PCAs told me that their patients are very young but are very comfortable with the staff because they are there all the time. Most children are shy of strangers and autistic children are more shy and aloof. So even if parents want to keep their children at home and not want to keep them in a community home what they can do is get their children acquainted with well trained staff by bringing them to the centers one or two days a week. This way if they are planning on having a party or are busy some other way, they can call the staff the child is familiar with. Having the peace of mind because your child is supervised is so much better than keeping him entertained with a laptop or a tablet to play with.

Most of us have used television cartoons on Saturday mornings and during gatherings to keep our children entertained. I would say that we were fortunate that our children did not walk out of our home. A loved one who is a pediatrician says that any kid can walk out of a home if not supervised, not just an autistic child.

Happy Holidays

At this time of Peace and Joy, I wish everyone good health and happiness for the Holidays, the New Year and the years to come. Amen. 

I would also like to thank my blogger friends who read what I write and would also like to send thanks to those who write. 

This is a print of the picture of our Earth as seen from the Moon. 

Below is a picture of full moon as seen from our Earth. Those of us who have a clear sky tonight will be able to see the full moon. Hopefully a day will come and us humans will be able to send greeting to life forms in outer space and vice versa. My dream could be the outcome of being a fan of the Star Wars saga, but my emotions are true.

 

Three Years

  We are feeling your pain in New York as well, not just because Connecticut is our neighbor but because there is no pain like the pain of losing a child or a loved one.

 Some one posted these pictures on facebook and I realized that we cannot take the safety of our children or our loved ones for granted. 

Rest in Peace victims of Sandy Hook.

Happy Thanksgiving

Some people ask me where in India I am from. I tell them that I am from Hyderabad, which used to be a kingdom and the king was very generous. Some one asked me what happened to that king I told them that when India became a Democracy a lot of kings gave up their kingdom. A lot of people suffered as there was opposition as well. However Democracy prevailed. 
A young man told me that he wants to visit Goa in India to see his cousin, who grew up in India as his uncle and aunt did not want to leave India because of India's natural beauty. He asked me if I miss India. I told him that as much as I miss India I am thankful for my health and for the fact that I am working and am active. Then one of the associates said that she is thankful because she does not have to shop for center pieces any more as she has several decorative things from years of having parties. 
A customer said that she is thankful because there are craft stores and she can make her own center pieces. Her daughter said that she is thankful that her mom bought some can food for the food pantry. I asked her how old she is, she said that she was nine and when she gets to be a teenager she will work for a soup kitchen on Thanksgiving day so the homeless of New York can have good food too. Next day while driving to work, I saw the homeless man I always see, but this time I was a little less disheartened. 

Happy Thanksgiving 

Influences

Being a salesperson gives me a chance to meet a lot of people . I also get to understand people in general. Most of all I get to see children and marvel at their intelligence and innocence at the same time. 

 Last week I saw two little boys playing with the wind-up toys that were displayed with the Christmas decorations. They were having a lot of fun while their parents were looking through the different choices for lights. Just then a couple walked in with a gigantic dog. It was healthy, clean, and very well behaved.  So I praised the dog and complimented them for taking such good care. Then I asked them what do they feed him. Then the lady smiled and with a naughty look on her face said, "Little boys". I was not expecting that answer and was speechless. The couple  simply walked away with the dog, but the two little boys left the toys and ran to their parents. I could see the fear on their faces.  The faces of the  kids, the size of the dog and the lady with the smirk  are still in my mind. I just hope that the kids are not afraid of dogs for the rest of their lives. 

Happy Birthday Lenny

 Happy Birthday to our favorite blogger Lenny Lee. Lenny has inspired myself and a lot of other bloggers like me. He has taught me how to  keep writing and has given a lot of pointers and tips that he posted on his blog, he shows a lot of respect for nature and our planet Earth and last but not least I learned from him how to be jovial in spite my health issues.  I learned about Lenny from Sharon of Sharon K. Mahew Kid Lit writer and from Hilary Milton Butcher of Positive letters - - - inspirational stories. Please join me in wishing Lenny a very Happy Birthday and many happy returns. Please visit his blog @ Lenny's World.

Happy Birthday Lenny, may all your wishes come true and all your dreams become a reality.

  

Living

There is a very good salesperson who I became friends with only because we walk in the mall a lot and my husband and I became familiar with her. She is actually a project adviser for a department store and is very friendly. She says that she is friendly not because she wants to get business but because life is short and she feels good at the end of the day if she makes someone feel good or if she brings a smile on someone's face. Needless to say, we talk a lot. One day she told me about a lady who was embarrassed about her daughter who was eight years old and was still carrying a teddy bear around. After talking to that lady for ten minutes, she was able to convince her that there is no need for an apology as not all children are the same when it comes to security. She actually complimented the little girl for taking such good care of her teddy. 

I remember talking to a five year old about her umbrella with Hello Kitty all over on it. Then her mom told me that she has a Hello Kitty doll in her room and she loves her. I told her that I am sure she takes good care of her Hello Kitty. Also she must miss her while she is in school and is working hard.  A couple of weeks later her mother stopped by and told that there was a significant change in her daughter.  Her daughter is listening to her when it comes to doing homework and is even eating her lunch in school. She then thanked me for showing love to something her daughter really loves.

 I used to be skeptical of toy industry utilizing and exploiting children's love for certain toys and the licensing of merchandise with different logos, but I came to a conclusion that having one or two things of their choice  actually helps nurture positive and caring attitude in children. 

 I know some adults who never out grew the love of their favorite toy and they are the ones who most appreciate the gifts you give them for Birthdays and Holidays. 

Be there

Lots of people say that life is a gift and they are right. Not everybody knows that for some people each day of their life seems like a burden. Also for some people their overall life is fine (or may seem to be fine) until they come to a junction of crossroads when they do not understand which way to go. Only survivors of an attempted suicide may discuss what lead them down that road. Sometimes it is too late and we all wonder about what it was that forced someone to commit the unimaginable. It will be really nice if each one of us has someone we can talk to in case of a difficult situation. I pray for the day when all parents know the hardships of their children no matter how old they are. It will be really nice to know if your coworkers are going through hard times emotionally or a student of yours seems to be hurting so you can say a few reassuring words to them. The National Suicide Prevention week is about to end. Yesterday was World Suicide Prevention Day so let us give this problem a thought and not forget that the rest of the year is as important to remember to be kind to those who seem to be going through a turmoil. It is not easy to read people's minds and especially if people are too proud or shy and lonely they may not be comfortable with talking to you, but as they begin to feel that you can be trusted and are helpful, they may talk to you. We are not counselors and not everyone can afford one and a lot of times the need is not recognized for a long time. A very young coworker of mine was lucky enough to help out her brother-in-law who was hurting from his parent's divorce. However, I was not as lucky to save a friend of mine who did not want to go through the everyday agony of watching her parents fight. In college I took it for granted that suicide is a sin and did not realize that some people are hurting too much to think straight. So let us all get to know people around us and let people get to know us.

School Days !

Before I took this new job working as a vendor I wondered how I would do because working at my previous position as an auditor was kind of different. My old job gave me a lot of confidence and I thought that I might get a little nervous with the new job. Turns out that I am not at all nervous with my new job either. The thing is at age sixty five, most people are quite confident at their jobs. However things are different with younger people. I see a lot of young people who are shy. A lot of young people are nervous and will not look you in the eye. A lot of young people are stressed out with the thought of their supervisor watching them. Then you have a handful of the feisty type who will not do their job and still have the guts to flirt with the supervisor and get away with extra long breaks.  My heart goes out for the shy, hardworking young people who lack confidence even to ask for a break and never get appreciated. Then I wonder what could have happened in their early life that made them too shy to ask for their rights even. When I was younger some people asked me about how I became a people person and why I am not shy. My boss at my previous job (who has double MBA) asked me for tips to be confident. I do not have an answer as I have never studied human psychology. The only answer I might come up with is the fact that my parents loved all of us and told us that we are no less than anyone and as long as we are honest and hardworking we do not have to be afraid of anyone. As my parents were always feeling bad about not giving us what my uncles and aunties could give their children, they had decided to give us the best care any parent could ever give. They gave us a lot of love and told us that we are no less than anyone and even without the best things to wear they said that we looked very smart because we were. I remember my father said that we were his wealth and we were his treasure. When I went to school I remembered his words during class and those words made me feel good about myself. His words always helped me feel good and it reflected in my behavior. I think to each of us our children are a treasure but we forget to tell them that. In America people give their children a lot of nice things but that does not mean that we should not give them words to boost their confidence. Letting them know how much we love them and how much they can count on us to be able to tell us everything they want to tell us will give them a sense of safety and that can translate into confidence. Some people think that going to a progressive private school made us socially confident, I still think that the loving words from my parents were the key factor.

What do we do?

One of the young men who works in the store (that I often visit on assignments) came back after being hospitalized for a week. I asked his mom about his hospitalization and she said that he was hospitalized for burns on his chest and his arms and neck. I asked for the details and it turns out that the fire was an accident that happened in his kitchen. He had just finished cooking and wanted to get rid of the smell in the kitchen and tried to use an air freshener. The spray was jammed and it would not spray so he tossed that spray can in the garbage. Then he realized that putting an aerosol can full of liquid in the garbage is not good for the environment.  So he took a screw driver and tried to puncture a hole in the can so he could throw the liquid out before he threw the can in the garbage. As soon as he made the hole in the can it created a spontaneous combustion and before he could think his chest was on fire and so were his hands and neck. He put the fire out with the fire extinguisher that was hanging right by the door and luckily for his family his wife was not hurt and neither of his two kids were hurt. As the mom was telling this incident a lot of people who heard it, seemed to be amused at the simplicity of the young man. Some even snickered as they walked away. In his defense his mom said that her son is an environmentalist. One very sensitive young girl simply said "It was sooo not worth it" 

I simply told his mom that I like to use natural air fresheners and his mom asked me if my husband ever uses an aerosol air freshener .

I told her "All the time".